Reduce Anger with a Forgiveness Meditation
Meditation is a highly effective way to lower stress, promote relaxation, and improve overall mental health in older adults. Many people are intimidated to start meditating, but with practice, it can be a centering and healing part of your day.
One particular form of meditation is called forgiveness meditation. In this type of meditation, you can practice forgiving others and asking forgiveness of others we have harmed. This is a great way to reduce guilt, depressed mood, and anger. Regularly practicing meditation, including forgiveness meditation, promotes better mental health and well-being.
What Is Meditation?
Meditation involves focusing your mind on a particular thought or nothing in particular. The goal of meditation is to achieve a state of greater relaxation or mental clarity. There are dozens of types of meditation that exist, some with roots in religious or spiritual traditions several thousand years old. However, meditation does not have to have a religious basis. There are also many secular meditation practices.
There are a few aspects of meditation that are common to most practices. These include focusing your attention, such as paying attention to your breath, a mantra, or the inner sensations in your body. Meditation also typically involves mindfulness, in which you observe your thoughts and feelings without judging them. Today, we are going to focus on a guided meditation for forgiveness. Guided meditation involves listening to someone walk you through the practice of meditating, which can be a great way to get started.
The Health Benefits of Forgiveness as an Older Adult
By the time we’ve reached our 50s, 60s, and beyond, we have harmed and been harmed thousands of times. Some of these incidents are small, such as making an unkind comment or experiencing a petty disagreement with a friend. Other harms are larger, such as divorce or the end of a major relationship, a friendship-ending argument, chronic lies and deceit, or circumstances leading to estrangement from a family member.
Forgiveness is the practice of consciously letting go of negative feelings toward another person for something they have done to wrong you. It’s not as easy as saying the words, “I forgive you.” Instead, true forgiveness requires releasing any anger, resentment, or even hatred you may feel toward the other person. That’s a hard thing to do! However, forgiveness comes with a variety of benefits, both for you and for others. Some of the biggest health benefits of forgiveness include:
Stress reduction. Carrying around grudges and bitterness can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and depression. This is particularly harmful for older adults, because chronic stress increases inflammation and risk for a variety of chronic diseases.
Better emotional well-being. Forgiveness simply feels good. It may make you feel emotionally a little lighter. You may notice less anger, resentment, or bitterness toward others.
Lower blood pressure and better heart health. Regularly practicing forgiveness has been shown to improve cardiovascular outcomes, including blood pressure and risk for cardiovascular disease.
Better social relationships. Forgiveness can promote better social ties between you and the people in your life, including friends, family members, coworkers, or other people in your social circle. Given the importance of social relationships as we age, this can make a measurable difference in your physical and mental health.
Greater empowerment. Holding onto resentments and grudges does more to weigh you down than harm the person with whom you’re upset. Choosing to forgive someone can make you feel empowered, because you are in control of your emotional responses.
Of course, forgiving someone does not mean you forget completely about what they have done. In fact, you can forgive someone for a major harm they caused you but still choose to maintain boundaries about not seeing them or limiting your contact with them. The important part is the internal work on your part to let go of negative emotions that are weighing you down.
How to Meditate for Forgiveness
At Mighty Health, we believe that meditation is a key part of maintaining both physical and mental health. In this guided meditation, you will be asked to meditate for forgiveness, both asking for forgiveness from someone else and forgiving someone who has harmed us.
When you start this practice, it’s important to think of the right person to meditate on. This should be someone who has significantly harmed you but is not an extreme source of distress in your life. On a scale from 1 to 10, aim for someone who is in the 4 to 6 range in terms of how much distress they cause you. Trying to forgive your worst enemy or the person who has harmed you most is something you can work toward as you continue this type of meditative practice.
Grounding Breathing
To start, close your eyes or let them softly focus on nothing in particular. Sit upright with your feet planted into the floor and your jaw slightly relaxed. Lift your shoulders and then let them settle, which promotes relaxation. Scan throughout your body to notice any areas where you are holding tension, and make a conscious effort to release that tension. Breath in deeply through your belly and let your breath out in an audible exhale. Repeat those deep breaths several times until you begin to feel relaxed.
Asking for Forgiveness
First, we are going to visualize another person who we need forgiveness from. Pick someone who you have harmed, even in a small way. Bring this person into your mind’s eye and picture them as though they are in front of you. Begin by apologizing to the person by saying “I’m sorry for the harm that I caused you,” or “I apologize for my actions,” or “I ask your forgiveness for causing you stress in your life.”
Feel the sense of remorse and regret within yourself, but do not dwell on it. Instead, focus on the other person softening toward you and extending you forgiveness. Spend several minutes meditating on that person before letting them fade away.
Forgiving Others
Next, it is time to consider someone who has harmed you. Again, bring that person into your mind’s eye. Continue to breathe deeply and take note of any tension you are holding in your body. The exact phrases you use do not matter as much as the emotional experience of releasing someone from the harm they have caused you. Some thoughts you may have include, “For any harm you have done to me, I release you,” or “I’m letting go of the harm you have caused me,” or “I forgive you. Holding this grudge does not serve you or me.”
Notice how the other person you are thinking about responds to your message. Perhaps they feel relieved or joyful, just as you felt relieved when you mentally asked for forgiveness.
Self Forgiveness
Now it is time to ask forgiveness for ourselves. Often, we are our own worst critics and get weighed down by negative self-talk and self-criticism. If you have a hard time picturing yourself as you are today, picture yourself as a child instead. Try to feel the extension of forgiveness in your heart as you say words to forgive yourself: “For all the ways this week in which I’ve inflicted pain upon myself, I am choosing to extend kindness and love to myself.” “It is okay, self. I forgive you.” “I know you are doing the best you can in this moment, and I forgive you.” Visualize the mental version of yourself experiencing a release of that emotional burden. Providing self-acceptance is often hardest for people, so be kind to yourself if this is challenging for you. It will become easier with practice.
Bringing Back Awareness
Finally, bring your awareness back to the body. Notice how the chair feels under your legs, the feeling of your feet on the floor, and any sounds or smells in the room around you. Continue to breathe slowly and deeply for a few more minutes.
Additional Guided Meditations and More from Mighty Health
Our Mighty Health team has created an extensive library of guided meditations, workout classes, cooking workshops, and other content to help you become the best and healthiest version of yourself. Practicing meditation regularly is just one more way that you can fuel your body, mind, and soul. Learn more from the Mighty Health app or your personalized health coach.